Written on 11.12.10...
the word perfect is just absolute bullshit..perfect boyfriends..perfect friends..perfect job..perfect house..perfect everything.. i think there is something wrong wit the word perfect... people coloured and smeared this shit everywhere called perfect... Life ain't perfect..there's is no such a thing as perfect lover or perfect friends...all our lives we wait for the bullshit perfect.. that perfect connection "oh he or she likes the same music we will be perfect"... yes sure u will be and for the rest of your life u will listen to perfect melodies u make... everything wears off and looses its shiny perfect colour and becomes rusty and old... the perfect love, the perfect job and the oh so beautiful perfect friends becomes comfortable, a routine and repetitive and boring... perfect is just made up lie so for the rest of our lives we can search for that perfection... an empty lie with fake colours and faces... i given up searching for perfect awhile ago... this is not fairy tale.. no ones gonna live happily ever after no one is gonna get rescued by their prince charming and live in a castle in beautiful country with beautiful things... soo i am gonna live my life with my not so perfect boyfriend... not so perfect job... and not so perfect life with my oh so not perfect unexpected decisions... i will burn and learn in my own not so perfect life with the shiny perfect people with their perfect colours and perfect masks....
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
AWESUM CLOTHES FOR SALE!!!!
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Browse/Listing.aspx?id=339361774
DID SOME OP-SHOPPING & A BIG WARDROBE CLEANING!! YAWN SOOO TIRED!!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
IN A MATTER OF SPEAKING......
not much sleep these days... mind racing million miles... waking up from sleep from weird dreams... i wana say lots of things but lost for words... in my head the words make sense but once i try to spit them out them i get tongue tied just stare at the space.... reminds me of the a song by elliot smith
"She appears composed, so she is, I suppose
Who can really tell?
She shows no emotion at all
Stares into space like a dead china doll
I'm never going to know you now
But I'm going to love you anyhow..."
i think i had too much wine and feelin a lil blue...... had only 3 hours sleep maybe thats why i am feeling awkward... had this strange urge to climb on the roof and drink wine and smoke earlier on today i dont why... but instead i played some records and drank coffee and sat outside on the grass and watched the grey clouds....
Ate green plums today... mmm they so sour and yum ^_^
and these are the records I listened today...
oh Elliott you were my man... how i wanted to kidnap and marry you!!!
and my outfit for the day....
looks like i am strangling poor cleo i just wanted a hug from her she is so cute and fluffy... wearin my fave vintage black blouse, i love the collar it reminds me of my school uniform back in Turkey hehe... and wearin my navy highwaist skirt with white polka dots... i just wish i had a better camera argh...
my fave song for today is.... "In a matter of speaking" by NOUVELLE VAGUE.... ah her voice so fucking beautiful... have to listen!!
and this for my friend andrew who says I never smile... see i smile ^_^
and sulk....
Hair is gettin long and.. need a haircut argh... dont know if should get a straight blunt fringe or stick with side fringe!!?? and need to dye my hair again i can see my dark roots eeek... wat colour should i dye it black or red hmmm??? decisions decisions...
Friday, December 3, 2010
THE SMITHS and COFFEE ♥
woke up @ 4am today.. had a strange dream and couldnt go back to sleep for awhile... i dont like dreams that feel so real... Anywayz here is wat I got up to today..
Listened to Smiths & Morrissey and drank coffee... The songs Heaven knows I'm miserable now & Girlfriend in coma been stuck in my head for days.. I had to listen....
More unpacking and re-packing... Found pics of me when I was little girl.....
This pic is so old.... when I show it to friends they say it looks creepy haha
Me and My mama... Look @ my cute outfit & my gigantic eyes hehe
Me and my childhood friend Ayla... I look uncomfortable the way I am holding my hand & look @ my knees & my chubby cheeks... i love the way my shoe laces are so long in a bow hmmm
Rough sketch of the tattoo I will be getting... Poppies & a poem by Charles Bukowski in memory of a friend I have lost......
My Outfit for the day... My fave "Something" shirt dress...
Sat on the couch and watched Mad Man while eating my yummy dinner... Chicken Nibbles and salad with bacon & to wash it off CCs & coke... I gotta have atleast glass of wine a day.. But I think my poison is whiskey mmmmm
Something to do with the dream I had......
Thats all for today... Time to crash on the couch & watch mad man & perhaps have glass of whiskey to make it easier to go to sleep hmmmm....
Adios Amigos xx♥
Thursday, December 2, 2010
BACK TO SHiTLAND.....
so i left Dunedin and moved back to Auckland and i've been out of job for a lil while now... In last few weeks been feeling down I guess having no job and money and friends does put you down ha but finally I am feeling a little cheerful.. I guess mopin around and feeling sorry for myself and crying is not gona help anything ha....
crashing at Jamie's been awesum... going through his collection of records lifted up my spirits & ofcourse his hospitality been great!! you are a kick ass friend Jamie, thank you for putting up with emo me ^_^
So here is wat I've been up to and ate and wore & listened to & watched while chasing jobs!!... blah blah blah
The mall made me dizzy with people rushing around and i was oh so hungry & wanted sumthing sweet & coffee to wake me up... cupcake & chocolate num num...
mmmm cherries.. my mum bought them for me to eat ^_^
Unpacking my clothes was fun..I forgot bout this crazy shirt thing I got... love the detailing
I love my black highwaist Wrangler jeans & this belt I bought ages ago from an op shop In Glen Eden..
Jamie's cute kitty kat "Cleo"... she is so adorable & keeps me company during the day but sumtimes seen her makes me sad coz she reminds me of my kitty kats back dunedin.. Oh how i miss them :(
ah i ♥ my mum's cooking!!... Silverbeet & feta filled pastries uh yum
My mum had a gathering at her house.. which means delicious Turkish food, my fave is the vine leaves filled with rice mmmmm mmmm
I never go hungry when I visit my parents & there is always good Turkish coffee ^_^
Went op shopping with mum & she bought me this awesum cardigan, it has detailing on neck but its hard to see in picture, my phone camera is shit!! I bought this dress ages ago it was very long & had rips by hem so I chopped it off...The bow belt is from Glassons but quiet hard to see in this pic ah..
Jamie's awesum record collection!! so envious!!
Miss Cleo ^_^
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